Titus Andronicus Act 1: on how this play is hard for me to stomach

INTRODUCTION:
Titus Andronicus was one of the first plays we looked at or my Shakespeare class at Pepperdine for Erika's class. I remember everyone FREAKING OUT when we read it and then re-freaking out when we watched the Anthony Hopkins/ Julie Taymore version (here's the preview): After first reading it, I was HARDCORE on the Titus Andronicus train, as was most of my Pepperdine class. This play is so extreme! and insane! and amazing!

Later, we saw a production of Titus at the Globe during the Pepperdine Edinburgh trip. And to my surprise, about a third of us that went to the show couldn't make it to the end of the show. This was partly do to how sweltering London was that year, and being groundlings was rough, but I think it was also due to the fact that half of us were working on Eve Ensler's necessary Targets at the time and :spoiler alert for both Titus and that play: we were reading hundreds of pages of accounts of rape as a means of warfare each day in preparation, so watching the horrically violent rape in Titus was just no longer an example of extreme/absurd revenge tragedy, but a horrifying reality.
As I continued to experience "rape culture" and all the attitudes surrounding it from various perspectives I continued to grow less and less comfortable with its portrayal in Titus. I started to hate the show, to think it was my least favorite in the canon. I remember it was the one show at the ASC my first year where i refused to sit on the stage, or even see it again. I actually remember people sitting on the gallant stools awkwardly staring at me for sobbing. I just... couldn't handle this show. So much that spring of my first year I had to walk out during parts of the student production that I only went to see because I had a number of close friends in it (including dan) and didn't want to participate in our pedagogy class' discussion on it. The only reason I went to that class was 1. a severe issue with telling myself I had to be a straight A student/not wanting to lose the points for that class and 2. a phone call from my dear friend Zac who gave me some perspective on the horrid lavinia situation- perspective which I will share in a later post. So that gives you the basic orientation of where I am coming from with this play, let's dive in:

There's only one scene in the first act, and what a doozy of a scene it is:

1.1
THE play starts with a political rally which quickly turns into an election of sorts betweeen brothers Saturninus and Bassianus. The people elect Titus to choose their ruler for them. A description of Titus:
For many good and great deserts to Rome: A nobler man, a braver warrior, Lives not this day within the city walls:
Both brothers agree to Titus choosing. and Titus enters with great ceremony only to tell us of what he has lost in the ward against the Goths:
Romans, of five and twenty valiant sons,
Half of the number that King Priam had,
Behold the poor remains, alive and dead!
 So right away we start the show with 25 dead children. blood and death death death. that pretty much sums up titus, a huge reason people love it and a huge reason people hate it. We immediately get more death as the gods demand a sacrifice of the enemy so they prepare to sacrifice the eldest son of the queen of the goths. Tamara, queen of the Goths, has an amazing speech begging for mercy
Victorious Titus, rue the tears I shed, A mother's tears in passion for her son: And if thy sons were ever dear to thee, O, think my son to be as dear to me! ...
Andronicus, stain not thy tomb with blood: Wilt thou draw near the nature of the gods? Draw near them then in being merciful: Sweet mercy is nobility's true badge: Thrice noble Titus, spare my first-born son.
 Of course Titus doesn't listen because he needs to please his family and his gods. If he had a sassy gay friend maybe all of this could have been avoided (seriously, how much do you want to see that sassy gay friend episode?!)
Lavinia enters along with the politicians of rome who want to make sure Titus isn't going to choose himself as ruler. Titus makes his second mistake and chooses Saturninus, the oldest son who wants to be ruler just a little too much to be trusted. Saturninus decides to "thank" titus by deciding to marry his beautiful daughter. He also promises:
Thanks, noble Titus, father of my life!
How proud I am of thee and of thy gifts
Rome shall record, and when I do forget
The least of these unspeakable deserts,
Romans, forget your fealty to me.
 He seems to forget rather quickly as in front of his new fiance he starts hitting on Tamara telling her she will have "princely use" ewwwww... what a creeper. also, can you already see how women are property in this society? to be traded and bartered and used as the men/warriors will? a culture of violence- not good news for humanity. especially bad news for women in general
Luckily Bassianus takes this moment to announce that he was already engaged to Lavinia and that he is going to "take what is his" already back from his brother. Lavinia seems to much prefer this option to Saturninus as she runs away with him and almost all of Titus' family is on board with this plan as well. Only Titus decides all these people are traitors. PATRIARCHY. UGH!!!! :( Titus then kills his own son in his own temple. bad news. Saturninus continues to forget the promise he made not ten minutes before by telling Titus:
No, Titus, no; the emperor needs her not, Nor her, nor thee, nor any of thy stock: I'll trust, by leisure, him that mocks me once; Thee never, nor thy traitorous haughty sons,
 Saturninus then asks Tamora to marry him post haste so they can consummate their relationship. so Tamora goes from slave to queen in an instant. and Titus is left fairly screwed by his own choices. There are scores of essays to write about this play and patriotism vs. family. Put titus at one extreme and all my sons at the other and let students at that essay prompt.
The scene ends with the brothers sparring over their new wives and Saturninus begins with talk of rape in a totally uncalled for/ridiculous way:
SATURNINUS 
Traitor, if Rome have law or we have power, 
Thou and thy faction shall repent this rape.
BASSIANUS 
 Rape, call you it, my lord, to seize my own, My truth-betrothed love and now my wife? But let the laws of Rome determine all;
Tamora tells Saturninus to leave Titus and his family alone and to pardon them. IN public she is all mercy and forgiveness and then aside it shows she is just a sharp, smart, cruel leader:
Dissemble all your griefs and discontents:
You are but newly planted in your throne;
Lest, then, the people, and patricians too,
Upon a just survey, take Titus' part,
And so supplant you for ingratitude,
...
I'll find a day to massacre them all
And raze their faction and their family,
The cruel father and his traitorous sons,
And make them know what 'tis to let a queen
Kneel in the streets and beg for grace in vain.
 Hell hath no fury...
So Tamara already has Saturninus wrapped around her finger and basically dictates the rest of the scene until Saturninus prepares to leave with the announcement:
This day shall be a love-day, Tamora.
 (I can't tell you how many times Dan or I say that to each other with the sole purpose of driving each other nuts. We usually use it when we have a lot of stuff to do and don't feel like doing any of it/ would like to spend a lazy day in bed... always used to no avail- when trying to persuade your loved one, pick another shakespeare play than Titus.)
They agree to all hunt the panther the next day in celebration.
and that's act 1.
Warning: It only get's darker from here. this play is not for the faint of heart...
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